For Him

I held him close to myself and I felt him panicking, just like I once used to. But I hushed him. He’s in safe arms now, I can’t let my fate be his as well. I heard them yelling around, calling names, they were after me.

“Mum I’m cold.” I heard a mutter from my arms, I looked at his face full of innocence as I assured him with a crooked smile, we’ll be home soon baby. Home..

I waited behind the dumpster in that dark, wet alley. It had rained this morning and there were dirty polluted puddles here. I was soaked and cold, and I was praying for my baby to not get sick as I wrapped him tighter in my arms. He won’t live my life, he won’t go through the pain I have been enduring all my life. I heard the splashes of their heavy boots, and their yelling. I prayed to God that they don’t find me like they had last time- before he was born, that they don’t grab me by my hair and drag me back to their van as they beat me, I prayed that they don’t dose me again, that I don’t wake up in tears and bruises again. I prayed and prayed to God that it be over.

I had been stuck in that rat hole since I was 6. There was no way out, I was taught, and there was no other way to live life than to be a slave to monsters. These were the so called morals I was given. I kept thinking about how unjustly I was treated, how everyone was abused there. Anyone who tried to escape would be dragged back; repeated attempts would get them killed- in front of everyone, so we knew the wrath and the power of those monsters. And this was my last chance- if they find me I’ll lose the only blessing and hope I have. My son.

For him, anything.



This write was inspired by two of my favourite songs, The A Team & Rockabye.